#3 The more I know, the more guilty I am

I remember growing up in a Christian home, going to a Christian school, and attending a Christian church. Some people think that by doing all this would rank me, as a Christian, high in the “holy” chart. However, the more I learned about the Biblical principles, God’s truth, and almost everything about every book in the Bible, the more guilty of a sinner I was. I, above all Christians, a, the worst and most guilty sinner there ever was.

When I was growing up, I would repeat what I had learned in school at church. It was easy for me to remember verses better and answer all the questions because of my education than it was for any of the other kids. Even though I felt great about it, I choose to ignore the lesson where I learned to not boast. Noticed I didn’t say “I forgot the lesson”, but “choose” because I knew what I was doing and had no intention of stopping to myself.

Same thing with middle school. I knew all the answers and would argue with some of the girls in my church small group about “political topics”, and I was able to do it with Scripture, proving my point. Unfortunately, I choose to argue rather than talk like I had learned in school. But before high school, during my eighth grade church camp, I began to notice my arrogance.

 I was so stupid. Stupid not to see that I was privileged to grow up in the home I had. A girl in my cabin told me how her dad and brother would mock her whenever she want to church. My heart sank from her story. I was told at home, at school, and, of course, at church, that many Christians were persecuted, wither it be physically or mentally, when practiced their faith. I had Scripture written on my heart, and not only did I not take everything literally, but I did not talk about God’s word when I should have. I was so blessed and so spoiled, but so selfish.

Of all Christians, I am without excuse of my sins. I saw my sin, heck I could quote Scripture that was directly related to my sin, but choose to ignore it out of selfishness. I memorized over a thousand verses out of the Christian Bible for the past 13 years of my life and because of that I am the guiltiest of the guilty in the court of God.




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5 responses to “#3 The more I know, the more guilty I am

  1. I am assuming this post is relating to “The Library Card”? Let me know if I am wrong! It definitely has a similar feel to it, so you achieved the prompt! I love that you found things you learned from church teaching in real life through the girl at camp, and you were able to really apply it and know what it means. It’s very good that you recognize your sins, and have humility, because that is a sign of repentance. But I sure hope you don’t feel guilty all the time. “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Rom. 8:1, so make sure you don’t condemn yourself but rather look upon the redemptive power of Jesus. Thank you for being so honest, I hope that what I was able to share with you encourages you also!

    • I was kind of leaning towards “Genesis”. For him it was the beginning of his writing career, and for me it was the beginning of taking my faith a little more seriously. I’m not the best with words so this is the best description I can some up with! Hope I make sense to you!

  2. What you wrote about not seeing how privileged you are is something that I think many who grew up in an all-Christian-atmosphere go through. In a sense, we are hidden from the harshness of the real world. Growing up in the same surroundings, I never appreciated the fact that I didn’t have to deal with people who would mock me for my beliefs. I took for granted the ease of living the Christian life.
    I love that you shared this, it’s deep and it definitely brought me in. Use your scriptural knowledge for good! 😀

  3. Amen!! Your writing struck home with me. Your description of this aspect of you and your life seemed to mirror my own. I grew up likewise attending all Christian schools and being the top of my classes. I could do laps around my peers in dissecting scriptures and memorizing it. I was founded and secure. I had all the knowledge one could hope for in my situations. And like you, in my abilities there was a weakness. It bred arrogance and presumptions that I needing less improvement. And it took me time before I came to terms with the bad habit forming in my mind and heart. From there I was swallowed in guilt and struggled with the feeling of failure that comes when you abuse a good thing. Thank you for sharing. I can identity completely and understand the significance of your story.

  4. It takes guts to be honest about our mistakes. The important thing is to not over-guilt yourself, because this can be very destructive and can leave you feeling like you’re never be enough. Remember that God knows you more than you know yourself, he knew that you were going to act “arrogantly”, yet it is because of his immense patience, mercy, and love that he is always ready to forgive us.
    Besides this, I noticed some typos in your writing, which is totally okay (just wanted to let you know). This sentence, “I, above all Christians, a, the worst and most guilty sinner there ever was” needs some work on it 🙂
    You have some commas that are not needed and a typo.
    You have great content kiddo! I just recommend having a friend read your blogs before posting them, it really helps catch things that you might have missed.

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